Say ‘NO’ The Easy Way
This article was written by Lara Maria Stark from www.tango-metejon.com as part of cooperation between Tango Young communities. It is a workshop concept for tango dancers in Düsseldorf- so not all of the secrets of the lecturers are revealed 🙂 I share it here as I loved the idea of teaching/learning how to stay true to yourself in the context of tango (well..not only in tango). I hope it will inspire you to reflect the topic and enjoy the dance to the fullest!
Am I allowed to say NO the easy going way?
Recently it happend again… I found myself in a Tanda, that I haven‘t really chosen by heart. So I was dancing stiff and was more occupied with my anger about me and the situation than enjoing the dance. Is this the end? Am I cursed to end the Tanda come what may? Well… I‘d say, we all have the possibility to choose any time. In my philosophy this should happen authentically and respectful. And ideally BEFORE I get into a challenging situation..but mostly the before is already the challenging situation. This is, why we, Julia from Düsseldorf, and I, Lara from Wuppertal, decided to set up a workshop concept about saying NO. Both of us are many years in Tango as well as we are Systemic Coaches. In this workshop we combine both areas.
Workshop-concept for tango dancers
As we, of course as everybody, had to learn how the Tango-Parquet works – and it definitely took some time fort he „easy-going“-part, we asked ourselves what are the sticking points, how can solutions look like, how can we make sure the most possible way to create nice, sympatic dance-matches and satisfaction? And of course – how can we share our experiences and learnings with other dancers. So we came up with a concept including clearing the individual position about what is allowed, what is polite, what is possible….and what not. Its absolutely individual and different for each person. Furthermore we bring up ideas about clear, plain and explicit messages with high impact, about how to avoid misunderstandings. We talk about how to stop unnecessary self-discussions and link all these subjects to typical tango situations. The vision is to give some guidance for more self- confidence and to communicate clearly in a – important – respectful way.
it‘s important in life and in Tango to take care for me in a self-confident way but without putting myself above men or male leaders
Lara Maria Stark
For the start, we decided to offer the workshop for women only. Why?
The role in Tango for a Woman, for a female follower is a special one. Somehow I discovered many parallels to the role of a woman in society and business. So for me personally it‘s important in life and in Tango to take care for me in a self-confident way but without putting myself above men or male leaders and that Julia and I want to share among other women to learn and to try out together. In the end, all of us, women and men, followers and leaders are confronted from time to time with awkward or even intrusive situations… therefore there is already a brainstorming taking
place about another session with a slightly different concept open for all Tango-dancers to join. To exchange experiences, to place wishes, to communicate effectively, to learn more about backgrounds and individual boundaries.
In addition I made such a nice experience, that especially men approached me with the subject of the NO-Workshop for women only. All of them were interested, supportive, had some additional ideas and perspectives. I am stunned how interesting and nice the feedback in our community was before, during and after the workshop. So lets move forward – we are a great community with such a nice mindset to eye height and ongoing development. Thanks everybody for creating this!
